EXCERPT II

EXCERPT II (Page 4 of 5)

What else does Sam tell his devout friend about her? That she is committing adultery in-between readings?

“How long have you known Sam?” she says.

“We were born two days apart in the DP camp. He’s kind of like a brother to me.”

The survivors’ circle. Maya shakes her head. Something draws her to them, but this territory is too entrapping. Too hard. After reading the most recent batch of diary pages, her urgency to learn about Hannah began to flag. Maybe her eyes simply needed a rest, she thought.

Yet here sits Gerry—son of parents who were tortured and starved, who lost their own families, then married one another to create new life—drinking coffee and speaking of Art.

“But what do you…” She finds herself choking up.

“Look, no question it can be terrifying,” he says. “And your vision loss heightens the terror.” He drops his head, then resettles his glasses, pinning them with one finger to the bridge of his nose. “I remember when I was writing the book, slogging through the pitiful stories, my vision a murky haze that I dreaded might leave me blind, I sometimes wished I’d never learned the truth about my parents and the camps. I questioned my faith, the rituals I’d observed all my life. I questioned Hashem, if He existed at all. I threw out dozens of pages of my research. Why was I miring myself in all that grief?”

With her knuckles Maya kneads at her burning eyes. “May I ask: why were you? And, please don’t tell me because you’re richer for the experience.”

“No, it was purely survival. Living in ignorance and denial, I could force myself calm for a time. But deep down, I could never banish the fear and dread of some torment up ahead. The horrors my imagination conjured up kept me in a worse state of terror than pushing ahead to learn the truth did.”

“But didn’t it add fresh fuel to the horror?” With each new increment of the diary, Maya’s nightmares seem to have ratcheted up a notch.

“Better to flush out the wound. Then there’s nothing worse to fear. You’re free. You can step into the next day and the next, not waiting for another shoe to drop.”